Like I thought, passed over for a raise again. That's 2 years in a row. Last year I can forgive, as I got a bump up in April of last year as the salary ranges changed. This year? What the !?! Seemed to me that Dave though I got a raise last year, and he realised his mistake. The or he was playing dumb. I didn't expect a raise, I know business is slow. But come on, no even a cost of living increase to keep me at the same buying power to offset inflation. Oh and they're still working on getting me something to do...

So tired today. Got up, took my drugs/ showered, then went back to bed. Still tired. Or bored is more like it. As easy and nice as it may sound, sitting at work doing nothing is pretty draining. I e-mailed my old manager from Link (who got me a job here) who is now here and an upper level manager, to see if there are or will be soon any openings on the project the company just won, or on any other project. We'll see what happens. I still think my lead has it in for me some how.

Tried Incredimailand it's sort of okay. Basically just an e-mail program with some html features for sending e-mail. Works with your Hotmail account which is nice, since the Hotmail integration in Outlook Express is sort of buggy. Final verdict? I might just stick with Outlook Express and experiment a little more with Incredimail.

I have to wait until November for Metroid Prime, grrrr. Guess I can catch up on some of my computer games I haven't finished. I think I'm almost finished with RTCW. Then onto... NeverWinter Nights or maybe finishing Warcraft 3. Ever since I've been with Wendy either games mean less to me or I just don't have the time... or both.

Grumble, Grumble. What to write about today? I finished the installation of my new hard drive and video card. Couldn't do the hard drive like I originally thought. Let's just say that Microsoft doesn't like us doing that. So I had to do a fresh install of Xp, which was probably the better way of doing it. I spent the whole weekend working on it. The new video card (MSI GeForce4Ti 4400) is kick ass. I played RTCW in 1024x768 with anti aliasing, it runs smoothly. I could probably run it at a higher resolution, but I'm happy with it. Haven't tried any other games yet, since due to a fresh install of Xp I have to reinstall them.... grrrrrr.

Had an interesting session on Friday. Basically I have to learn to accept my MS and get on with my life. Of course easier said than done. I have to find a good book on accepting change (one of those self help manuals). And I have to learn to ask "God" or the universe for the strength to bare the weight of my disease. I also have to stop living in the past and in the "What if" world I have created in my head. Once I leave the past in the past and stop living in another world, then and only then will I be able to move on and really live. It's going to be a tough battle, but I have to move on and accept what has been given me; no matter how much I hate it.

I'm missing my status meeting at work. Oh well, not like I have any status to give. I'm being given some busy work once the database is fixed. Basically I have to go through the errors the system got, and double check them with the Truth to make sure the truth is correct. Sound boring to you? It probably is. I'm starting to agree with my therapist that my lead is threatened by me somehow, and that is why he has nothing for me to do. I guess I'm not a good little follower and do what he wants and says what he wants to hear.